12 Step Workshop - Fast Track To Sobriety
So we have finally arrived at step 12!
STEP 12
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."
The real work is step 12.
The first 11 steps prepare me to do the real work, which is the 12th step.
In fact, the authors devote an entire chapter to step 12 called ‘Working with Others’.
This chapter instructs us how to sponsor others.
- What to say, what not to say.
- What to do, what not to do.
- When to do it, when not to do it.
We are going to highlight some key points, but it's important to read the chapter.
P 89: “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from acting-out as intensive work with other addicts. It works when other activities fail.”
P.90: “When you discover a prospect for the 12-Step program, find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop acting-out, don't waste time trying to persuade him.”
In other words let him talk, find out who we are dealing with.
P.91/7 lines from the bottom of the page: “If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles that acting-out has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture.”
In other words ‘Don’t Preach’.
P.95/quarter of the way down: “Never talk down to an [alcoholic] addict from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.”
Again, the authors are stressing “Do not preach”. Nobody likes to be lectured to, especially us addicts!
We are only there as a guide. We are there to offer him our experience, strength and hope.
P.94/ 7 lines down: “It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him.”
The fact is, that by us sponsoring him, he is giving us more than we are giving him. Remember, nothing ensures immunity greater than working intensively with other addicts!
P.96/top of the page: “Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another addict and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.”
There will be people who may not be ready to work the program properly. We are not doing anyone favors by trying to convince them. There are others who are desperate that need our guidance, who are willing to work the steps properly.
“To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other addict an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance.”
By the way, notice it doesn't say sit back and wait for someone to ask us to be their sponsor.
It’s our responsibility to be of service and give back what was so freely given to us.
Imagine if Bill Wilson sat waiting for Alcoholics to come to him. We wouldn't have this program today!
We want to be free, and in order to stay free we need to be helping others every day.
P.97/4 lines down: “Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business.”
Step 12 Promises
P.100: “Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!”
P.102/3 quarters down: “Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed”
We have only 3 responsibilities when sponsoring others:
1) Take them through the 12 steps
2) Tell them the truth
3) Love them
To love them simply means to let them be right where that are. Let them struggle.
We’re not there to repair their struggles.
There's a story of little boy who see’s a butterfly in a cocoon struggling to get out. The boy takes out his pocket knife and cuts open the cocoon, releasing the butterfly. The butterfly flies out and then falls to the floor and dies. The boy runs home crying to his father. His father says, “well son, the butterfly needed to struggle so it could develop the strength to fly. By letting it out before its time, it didn't develop enough strength in it's wings to be able to survive."
It’s not our job to try and control our sponsees. We cannot solve all their struggles. We can just love and guide them.
We may get people saying that we’re not sober long enough to sponsor others.
But where in 12 book of AA does it say we need to be a year sober to sponsor others?
Bill Wilson wasn't sober a year. In fact, he was only 2 days sober when he first started to sponsor!
The only prerequisite is that we have gone through all 11 steps and have had a spiritual awakening.
Now we have something to offer. We have a message to share.
There is no greater joy than seeing people finding freedom and happiness, and hearing sponsees share how wonderful life is now.
Look at the promise on P.89/second paragraph:
“Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.”
Those that have gone through the 12 steps, go out and find someone to sponsor.
We now have a duty to go out and carry the message of hope.
There are countless others who are suffering that depend on us to guide them through the 12 steps and share our experience.
We needn't concern ourselves with "doing it wrong" because we are not in control of the outcomes. G-d is.
How do we learn how to be a good sponsor? By being one.
Each and every one of us never need to act out again and never need to live the way we have been living, if we don’t want to.
All we have to do is LIVE steps 10, 11 and 12 on a daily basis. One day at a time.
May G-d bless us.