Twelve Steps and Yiddishkeit

A recovering person writes:

Step nine clearly states that when it comes to making amends to the people that you have harmed, it is important to refrain from carrying this out ‘when to do so will injure them or others’. Rav Yisroel Salanter struggled with a similar concept from the Chafetz Chaim who said one must do everything in their power to attain forgiveness for speaking lashon horah. Rav Salanter questioned what right a person has to make a situation worse, all in the name of making amends. Though the Chafetz Chaim heard the question, he replied that his basis was firmly rooted in the Shulchan Aruch. There seems to be a paradox between Judaism- going to any lengths to make amends, and the program- only doing that which won’t make the situation worse.

Rabbi Twerski Responds:

This is an interesting argument between two Torah authorities. I had a person ask my forgiveness for having bad-mouthed me. I forgave him, but I wished he would not have told me. He could have benefitted from the general forgiveness I do every night at the Shema on retiring. It is perfectly legitimate to favor Reb Yisrael Salant’s position.