Twelve Steps and Yiddishkeit

A recovering person writes:

There are a few elements of the program that I have a problem reconciling with Judaism;

→ One of the ideas of the program is not to pray for yourself. The Big Book writes ‘Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others’. (page 13). I find this to be in contradiction to Judaism where many prayers are indeed for oneself.

→ The program focuses on loving G-d, for example, the beginning of the 3rd step prayer; ‘God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.’ (page 59). In Judaism, however we speak of a G-d that punishes (as well as rewards). It seems that this ‘punishing’ of G-d element is not brought up in the 12-Step program at all.

→ I think that the meaning of being completely powerless (step one) is that the sex addict has lost the power of bechira- free choice. Judaism teaches that man will always have the gift of bechira.
How do I reconcile the 12-Step attitude, as above, with my identity as a religious Jew?

Rabbi Twerski Responds:
Yiddishkeit is relating to G-d as our Father. A child should feel free to ask his/her father for something he/she wants.

I dealt with punishment issue earlier.

G-d wants us to live the right life for own sake, not for his. It is to our advantage to have a close relationship with G-d. The gap between mortal man and the Infinite G-d is so vast that it cannot be bridged except with way G-d designed. The addict who uses hallucinogens may think this is the way to get close to G-d. The thought that we can decide how to have a close relationship with G-d is mistaken.  Observing the G-d given Torah is the way G-d designed for man to get close to him.

G-d created man, and just as a manufacturer provides instructions how to use an appliance, G-d has given us the Torah, the Manufacturer’s instructions how to live. If one ignores the manufacturer’s guidelines, one cannot expect proper function.

We should recognize our dependence on G-d. In fact, we admit that without His help we could not overcome our addiction. Praying for our needs reinforces our feeling of dependence on Him.

The issue of bechira is a very sensitive one. It is one of the distinguishing features between man and animals. Animals are at the mercy of their bodies. They have no choice. They cannot defy a bodily urge. A human being has bechira. It is a Divine gift.

The Talmud says that the human being’s animalistic drives are so powerful that without the help of G-d we could not resist them. That is Steps 1& 2. Our bechira consists of asking G-d to help us resist some animalistic drives.

Human beings’ temperaments vary. One person may have stronger animalistic drives than another, and they may vary in character. Prior to recovery, the addict thinks that he can control these drives, until he discovers otherwise.

Two children received Chanuka gelt. One child ran off to the candy store and gorged himself with candy, then went to the toy store and bought toys. He ended up with a stomach ache, and within several days his toys were on the junk pile of his old toys.

The other child said to his father, “I don’t know what to do with this money. You invest it for me.”

Both children had bechira. The first child use it to his detriment. The second child used his bechira wisely.

In recovery, we say to G-d. “Thank you for the gift of bechira, but my experience has shown me that I cannot always use it wisely. So, dear G-d, You take the bechira and choose for me.”