Face The Truth
Who fed you the idea that if you only try hard enough you will "beat it"?
I'd like to know who fed you the idea that if you only try hard enough you will "beat it". Who told you that you are locked in a mortal combat of wills against lust? Whoever it was, they may want to re-evaluate their thinking, because it seems that you only need to fail a few more times before you have no more ability to fight. And then what? Apparently you will just keep losing, basically giving in? You sound just as I did, once upon a time. I was sure I'd get better. Later I wasn't so sure. Finally - after medications, psychiatrists, therapists, near-arrest, near-death twice, and near-divorce, I was finally sure that I'd never get better. I drew comfort only from the fact that I'd keep my secret to the grave. Not a life for a nice religious boy.
My dear friend, this is not the way of the program that I am familiar with at all. No, the 12-step program that works for me and others is not for the man who needs help to try harder. It is for the one who is hopelessly lost and realizes he cannot win because there is something wrong with him. He needs an honest and realistic partnership with the G-d he thought he had. (You can read about this in "The Doctor's Opinion" at the beginning of the AA Big Book). The program I know says to this person: There is hope, even for you! Just take these steps. (You can read exactly this, at the start of chapter 5 in the Big Book). We’re are talking about your life here.